Security Alert: Staten Island Terrorized By Wild Turkeys

While the Department of Homeland Security is busy groping Americans to make sure they are not terrorists, real terrorists making life difficult in one area of Staten Island.

This new terrorist threat has adapted to its environment and learned to poke at the weakness of New Yorkers in the area.  They are disguised as wild turkeys!

The birds have reportedly stopped traffic by standing in the middle of roads.  They have even been seen playing  chicken with drivers, knowing that New Yorkers are usually the first ones to blink.  In one case a woman claimed to have been trapped in her car while these violent wild turkeys stood on her hood.  It isn’t clear if they made any demands before they retreated from their attack.

My Fox NY has the exclusive story:

It is important to note that 2nd Amendment loving states like Texas do not have this type of problem.  Birds that do not get out of the road quick enough become roadkill.  Sometimes the driver will stop and take their prize, while others will leave it for the buzzards to clean up.  Should a turkey or any wild animal threaten a Texan, they had better hope it isn’t someone who has a concealed handgun license or a shotgun nearby.  If so, that Texan will have the bold gobbler fried and served for dinner.

  • Nancy

    hilarious, only in new yawk!